Harold – The Intense AF

What are the pro and cons of dating you?
Pro: I have a super power
Con: I am intense AF

„You are so perfect. Your golden hair, your nose ring, the gradient of your cheeks, the color of your lips, the freckles, it’s all just there“, he said at 8 in the morning after spending 12 crazy hours together on our second date. I was certain, that he was still drunk as fuck when he said that.

Not everything made sense what he said or did. But I can’t say that I was sober either. I don’t even know why we went to his apartment. I also don’t know why we went to his lab. Sadly I am the only one remembering all of it. 

What happened?

We met at 9 in the evening at Prater in Vienna, because he was at the gym there. I got us a bottle of wine and it was the only thing I wanted to drink that night, had I just spent the last days recovering from my bad hangover and the consequences of being too drunk to think. We sat in front of the Ferris wheel, which spent us light in all colors. I brought real glasses from my Airbnb, huge bottles of water, and a salty snack and he was impressed that I followed his advice on water and salt while drinking. Because for whatever reason this became the topic on our first date, that we all know how to „do drinking right“ but never do it. It was a joke that I can’t recall. But I love nothing more than recurring humor. With him, everything was so easy, we just vibed and had so many inside jokes in such a short time. 

I could climb this tree

On our first date we just spent hours and hours walking through Wasserpark, a beautiful park in Vienna, and then talking hours and hours on the terrace of a restaurant on the river, and just couldn’t shut up. On his profile, he said he was intense AF and I asked, what it means. He said that he lives faster and wilder than most people. I couldn’t recognize any of that because his explanation was: „I could sit here with you or climb a tree in this 30 minutes“. He stayed with me all the time though. No climbing, no jumping into the water, like I suggested. The more I got to know him, the more interesting he became. Because his facade that he put on at the beginning of our date was getting more and more transparent.

His story

He grew up in Kenya and had quite an abandoned childhood. He had to be his own boss very early on. He took care of his parents because they were a mess. He founded companies before even finishing school and was used to be responsible for everything. He was monetizing an app and his business partners screwed him, so he wanted to do something else. He moved around a lot and at first, I thought he got bored everywhere but he was just finding himself options. Somehow he got scholarships in Japan and in Italy, without even finishing school. He had to learn Japanese quite fast because they weren’t speaking English where he worked and then he got into a school for molecular biology and was a little lab rat ever since. Even though his start was so different, he ended up in Vienna, not by choice, but now he’s researching the human reaction to drugs. Somehow he seemed confident, sometimes not. He was open to trying all new things and I liked that. He was eager to try all kinds of Austrian dishes he didn’t know yet and Austrian Wines and Aperol Spritz. We first had a plan to do two parks on that day, but we just stayed at Wasserpark for the first date and watched the sunset. There was no kiss. 

Everything for you

Even though I had a few dates planned with more bumble people, I kept hanging out with him. On the second date, after being chased away from Prater, I randomly chose a location on the river and we just stayed at the hammock in the park nearby and talked shit. He showed me videos that became our anthems. „Happy birthday to the ground“, „I am not part of your system“ and „why are you running“ were the recurring phrases we used so randomly, that only we laughed about it. Later we ordered an Uber to the city. It had a night sky on the ceiling of the car, which of course, only I found so fascinating. We let the driver decide where to take us. We went to the canal and there were a lot of people partying. The lockdown just ended, it was a mild night and people were just going crazy and in the best mood.

We had more and more to drink, not thinking about it anymore, that we planned to drink less that night. There were these guys selling blinking bunny ears and I wanted to get some for him and he really put it on his head with the comment „everything for you“ and I loved it. He looked absolutely ridiculous and I couldn’t stop laughing. People were smiling at us, seeing Harold with the blinking bunny ears. and he just spoke to so many of them. We met 3 guys who wanted to drag me away from him and almost succeeded. He got super jealous and just kissed me out of despite. At this moment it didn’t bother me so much, but this wasn’t a nice reason for a first kiss.

The urgent needs

My biggest problem for hours at that point was finding a toilet. Story of my life. In the meantime, Harold collected numbers from drug dealers, shared beers with the 3 guys, swore in Italian with the Italians, and threw the wine bottle that he almost drank alone into the river. He became friends with a guy from Krakow having a big box on his back with Techno Music. And I still was in desperate need of a toilet. But it was day already. I told him I will come back and headed towards the trees I saw the street down. Reaching there I saw it was a closed dog park and I almost cried. There was a guy next to me, asking what I need. He distributed the brochures to the houses and let me into a courtyard of a house. I was the happiest woman alive, relieving myself behind a dustbin. He stayed outside and asked me for a kiss. Even though I was so happy, that I could kiss him, I thanked him but ran away from him. Harold thought in the meantime that he lost me and called me a few times.

The long way home

We started our way home, it was like 5 in the morning. We brought another guy with us even though we didn’t know why. At one point, Harold thought, he was a threat to him, finding out he’s half Nigerian and knowing that my ex was Nigerian. We had an unnecessary vaccine discussion with him, all of us drunk, so it just made no sense and left that guy then at the station. A relief for me, Harold didn’t even notice, that I wanted to get rid of this guy.

We sat down on the bench in front of his university where he worked and he said something like that he was always and will always be alone because no one cares about him. I started crying because I felt like I could look right into his soul and it’s so sad there. The look on his face was just heartbreaking. I realized it’s quite easy to make me cry when I am tipsy. 

Breaking into the lab

Then he showed me the lab he was working in. That was quite random but super exciting. It felt like breaking in. He let me see the proteins that he was growing in a fridge and I saw all those radioactive substances. The proteins had quite a nice view in that lab – if they weren’t in the fridge all the time. In my fantasies, a quickie there would have been great. He was surprised I said that. Me too. But I wasn’t going for it.

The window with a view

Somehow we arrived at his place and I don’t know why, that he was so embarrassed to show. There was nothing embarrassing about it though, except the fact, that he wasn’t really living there. The suitcases were still not unpacked. As if he wanted to leave in a second. His view was so amazing from the 10th floor or something and we saw the city waking up. Somehow the talk got deep again and he said, in the end, he doesn’t wanna be alone. He wanna be loved and also care for someone. And of course, I started crying again because somehow, that was my story too, wasn’t it? He hugged me a long time and I wasn’t sure if he cried as well, but I think so. There was such an emotional overflow going on but even though we made out, nothing more happened. He said he wanted me, but he respects me, and he understood that I need more emotional connection for intimacy. He begged me to stay with him, even though we both knew we can’t sleep next to each other. He got irrationally upset about me leaving and I think he has an even bigger fear of losing people than me. Somehow the lone wolf story resonated so much with me, even though I am sure, I have a few people around, but I felt it.  Now I understood, how he meant that „intense AF“. It’s way different than I thought. He has big insecurity issues and I decided that morning, when I walked back to my Airbnb in the bright sun at 9 am, I should keep away from him because I didn’t want to have a new project.

Oops, Third date

Of course, I didn’t and wanted to see him again immediately. I was even more drawn to him than before. Even knowing, that this is my fucked up attachment style knocking at my door, that I feel the need to save people. We met again for late lunch, and I chose a place with poke bowls on the other end of the city. Because me and poke bowls, well, it’s a love story. We tried to get over our hangover, but even in the afternoon on the next day, things were super uneasy with us. We still met up. We tried it with healthy food and smoothies, we tried to keep it easy, but we both were in bad shape. And there it was again, that I felt double attracted to him now. I was the one, wanting to get close to him and he was the one, being a bit distant.

I think you want something

We still went to the second park, he showed me the beautiful Oberlaa park, which was still on our list for the first date. People were smiling at us and he said he gets that from time to time and wonders what that means.  He was quite distant and not touchy at all. But at the couple seat where we sat facing the opposite side, I must have had my typical revealing look on my face, that I have when I want to kiss someone. He said something like „I think you want something“ – „Guess what it is“ and we kissed. He felt a little uncomfortable there. Trying to get out of the park and finding something to eat was the next challenge we had to face. It was a lot of walking and a lot of disappointment. All places in and outside the park were closing already. We were left off with some simple sandwiches from the Gas station in the end. A long intense kiss on the Ubahn station was the last thing we shared and we didn’t speak about how things will continue. 

We continued texting every day just some banters until it stopped. I asked for clarification. „I’ve been (am) going through some stuff and I don’t feel like myself at the moment. You are always on my mind and I do hold you dear to me. That is a fact. I like you and I don’t want to ruin what we have.“ The weekend was „magical“, so his words and he will never forget it.  I told him, I am not part of his system, I stick around, as long as there are no lies and disrespect. The worst thing he could say was nothing at all. Then he disappeared, my messages weren’t even delivered.