He blocked me everywhere and I just didn’t know what happened. I was clueless waiting around somewhere in London and was pretty worried about him at first. We met last night and everything was still fine. Fine-ish. How did I end up there? Oh well, let me tell you.
Where the story beginns
In 2017 went to a club in Berlin with a girl I just met in a Facebook group. She knew one of the DJs and I was just graving to go out more. We had a really good time and danced the night away but there were also a lot of hot men. And one of them started talking to me with a very sexy British accent. It was Adam from London, who was on holiday with his very drunk and creepy friend who dazzled around us and weirdly stared at us. But quite soon after, the girl I was with wanted to leave and I left with her, even though I didn’t want to. She knew I had a boyfriend and maybe I didn’t want to seem too obvious. He was my first temptation and I kind of knew I should break up with my long-term boyfriend.
I had his Instagram though and so we kept texting and met the next day. I met another girl from a group to go out with, but she was quite weird and we ended up in a very trashy club where I had the feeling, everybody knows each other except me and I got the center of attention.
And then there it was. The song „Unforgettable“, that they also played the night before on the dancefloor and it reminded me of him for whatever reason. And as I just want to believe in signs to spice up my life a little bit, I just needed to see Adam again, but for what? I won’t cheat on my boyfriend. The girl didn’t want to let me go so I just slipped out on the way to the bathroom. I went to his hotel and we met in the bar. Hotel bars are too formal for me but I have dressed up anyways. I don’t really know why but we went up to his room, where his creepy friend was already half asleep. He kicked him out what I felt very sorry about and started making out. He was very straightforward and pushy and it was hot as hell but at one point I found it too risky and left. And found his friend in the lounge chair asleep in front of the room. Gosh, why did I do that?
Unforgettable
Still, I felt like I need to see him again. And even though I tried to make up things with my boyfriend, I really liked talking to him. I think it was mostly for the thrill. He was only 25. When I was in Croatia with my boyfriend, Adam and me planned to go to Vienna together. Sounds so horrible, but I said I need it not to feel trapped.
Me_ 😘😘
Me_ The emojis are drunk
Adam_ Nah I love it
Me_ But they are drunk
Me_ They got too many schnaps on the house
Adam_ So you don’t mean them?
Me_ Sure I do but ask me tomorrow
Me_ You want me to mean them??
Adam_ Hell yeah lol
Me_ Are you drunk too?
Adam_ No I’m a little ill 🙁
Me_ Oh. And therefore you need a few kisses to get better again?
Adam_ Precisely
We canceled Vienna. I wanted to do the right thing and asked him not to text me anymore. I went to London half a month later in September. I wanted to go anyways but also because of him. He said he would take me through the city and we would meet right on the first night when I was there. I booked. We met. He was kinda nervous and somehow different than I met him the times before. When I first met him, I thought he knew what he wants and he was going for it. Clearly a misperception. There he was, in a suit, because he came from work, looking hot as hell. He took me to a nice Pop-up bar and he got quite weird. He was looking on his phone all the time and got more and more nervous. Actually, we wanted to go to party but he went home instead. I was a little disappointed but he promised me to go for it the day after. I didn’t think at all that something was off.
Blocked
The next evening I waited for his reply, called him, texted him on Instagram. He had me blocked. I couldn’t understand why. I was going from worried to upset and thought what a motherfucker, I really thought, we would hang out all that time. I was just sad and wanted just to go home, even though I was in the greatest city of my world and I should go out. But I gave up. Not knowing yet that it turned out to be one of my greatest and weirdest nights in London.
Boyfriend? Gone.
After I broke up with my boyfriend in October I had to urge to contact Adam again. He still had me blocked but I had his company e-mail address. Quite desperate, I know. „If you had a problem with me having a boyfriend, well that problem is gone“, I sent him briefly. He replied instantly „Hold on, I call you in the evening.“ I don’t know if we started something afterward, we kept talking on the phone but it ended pretty quickly. He wanted to come to Berlin for NYE but canceled and didn’t get back to me.
When we got back to the station and said goodbye, I tried to kiss him and he refused. I think that never happened to me before. I was embarrassed and he just said sorry.
Fucking British politeness?
I went to London again in May, because this city has me under its spell and asked if he feels like meeting up. He said yes and I came to Dulwich, his area, where we had a beer, walked around, and saw a lot of foxes. We even passed his house but he said I can’t come in because his Uncle lived with him and he was no good company. Unce, girlfriend, whatever it was, I would never find out. I actually wanted to sleep with him so badly, that I may not have read the room. When we got back to the station and said goodbye, I tried to kiss him and he refused. I think that never happened to me before. I was embarrassed and he just said sorry. Weirdly enough he wanted to meet up again for lunch. I was never sure if he wanted to or if it was fucking British politeness. I didn’t know anymore. This time I had to cancel because my stomach ache was so bad that I couldn’t even walk straight anymore.
I said I honestly don’t understand why we still meet and what this is and why he blocked me and then comes back to me, refuses to kiss me, but meets again, it just makes no sense.
„Well, what do you think?“
The perfect confusion
In August I posted a story and photos of London on Instagram when I was back. He hardly ever liked posts of mine but of course, these ones he did. I texted him that I didn’t know if I should’ve contacted him after how we left things off last time. He wanted to meet up. That was the night of my three kisses. We met at Shoreditch high street and he changed quite a lot. He gained some weight which made his face so round. He was underweight before and usually, I don’t like that, but his face had this sharp chin lines that were so attractive. Still, it was irritating, seeing him with a different face, because I liked his sunken cheeks. He didn’t tell me he was sick that day with a UTI because he felt embarrassed. We went for just one drink and I finally burst out what I should have done way earlier. I said I honestly don’t understand why we still meet and what this is and why he blocked me and then comes back to me, refuses to kiss me, but meets again, it just makes no sense.
Him: „Well, what do you think“?
Me: „I have no clue and I feel I am stupid to let myself be treated that way“.
Him: „Well, I really liked you but you had a boyfriend, I couldn’t handle that. And I cowardly blocked you instead of telling you just to avoid it. That was very stupid of me, I know. And then there was so much going on in my life“,
He used that sentence many times but I never knew WHAT was going on in his life, I always assumed another girl, „it also just made no sense with you in Berlin and me here. I still enjoy your company, that’s why you should always hit me up when you’re here“.
I said it’s interesting how magnetic we are to each other and still nothing is happening. When we said goodbye and this time he kissed me. I was so surprised about it and he was so quickly gone, that I couldn’t even react to it. He saw my confused reaction and smiled from cheek to cheek.
