„You say you are ok, but you don’t sound like you are ok“, he said, when I answered his question about how I was. So this is it. Our perfect love story ends at this point. In the next minutes, I will tell him, that I will end whatever this is completely. He was surprised.
We both fell so hard for each other. But I am at a point in my life where I am done enjoying the moment regardless of my bleeding heart. I am done going into complicated situations, having a „Simone, this will be bad for you“ voice in the back of my head and it always was. Look who is so mature now. Look who just let someone go who was a perfect match and checked all your fucking boxes. But also so fucking sad and mad. Yes, let me be dramatic, goddamnit, because this is!
Too perfect
„So, Brandon, where’s the catch?“, I asked him, sitting on his lab on my mustard yellow chair, what is his favorite color as well as mine. Everything so far was so smooth and amazing with him from the minute we started talking. We actually matched already a year or more back and kind of remembered each other. We were spending hours over hours on the phone and on video chat and I just never wanted to stop listening. I was finally dealing with a man here. Meaning: someone who understands himself and his reactions to his emotions, reflected and smart. The connection was just there and so amazingly good. He respected me, was very thoughtful and interested in me, and was giving me all the answers to my endless questionnaire, if he had been out and exposed to the virus in the middle of this panda butt/panorama/pan pan (pandemic), if he got tested for STDs and he even showed me test results I was never asking for. I thought it’s so much to ask but he was still with me, invested in getting to know me. He always made himself available and showed up as a trustworthy friend from the beginning. I also learned that he sticks to his promises. We did lunch calls because we couldn’t wait for the evening. Did I say already, that things were just so easygoing with him?
„I would even just come over to see you waving from your balcony, it doesn’t matter, I just wanna see you.“
From the first second
How far we came from his „Apart from your gorgeous looks, I feel humor is part of you based on what you wrote and I like that. Also, you wear your heart on your sleeve and always express yourself regardless of what anyone might think“ message. So for him, I broke my quarantine rules and decided to trust him on this. He said, „I would even just come over to see you waving from your balcony, it doesn’t matter, I just want to see you.“ And gosh my heart caught fire. So easily like dry hey. He came all the way from Plänterwald to Marzipan without complaining. This could have been the bare minimum but for me, it was already a lot.
And though I felt he was a bit insecure in the beginning standing in front of me, he wouldn’t say. His perfume was way too strong and putting me off a bit. I imagined him differently but actually don’t know why. His stature was skinny in a way though he was not. I didn’t wanna judge anything until he is really in live in front of me but the sexual tension was there from second one. Telling me beforehand that he would really love to eat me out and flashing his hard dick while video calling didn’t help at all in this situation. I would have kissed him right away, but I thought it was inappropriate. Why do we do stuff like this…?
„Well, there is a catch.“ I was impressed that he knew what a catch would be for me before me.
Fucking irony, go away!
He told me a story in detail and I think he just got lost in that story because his dick brain was already talking. As he told me, that he’s good with talking to women and stuff, I was asking myself what kind of guy he was and if he had serious attempts. That’s why I asked him where the catch is. „Well, there is a catch.“ I was impressed that he knew what a catch would be for me before me. „I really love what we have and if you would be in, I would be totally in and investing our time in this. But I wanna have kids. Not this year but definitely next year, so this with us would be until I will try to find the mother of my kids“ – here we go again. It seems the kids topic is trending now. Last time I was kicked out of an apartment because I said I don’t want to have kids. He promised not to look for her while we’re still together but what the fuck would this be then? A relationship with an expiring date? Of course, it still got hot and steamy but I couldn’t really get my head off things, not even with his amazing eating-me-out skills or his hard pushes. I didn’t like it that his eyes got empty while fucking me because it didn’t feel like he’s fucking me but just fucking. I told him and he got angry about this comment by saying he’s just concentrated on me down there. But he was weird after. I didn’t come which left him more unsatisfied than me. So he went for a second round, just for me and by looking deep into my eyes. And all I did was just notice now how fucked up sex is, when you don’t know each other that well. I want this awesome love-making back. Shit, the black koala spoiled me forever and ruined my sex life.
First, he wanted to stay over, then he chose to leave, trying hard to explain why. I guess my inner alarms went off again, even though I was happy I couldn’t sleep in peace. He didn’t text for most of the day and I was ready to accept my loss. He asked already in the beginning how often he’s expecting me to text because he’s very bad at it. You know now, why I said he’s perfect? I said, for me, it shows me if you’re interested or not. And it’s just so fucked up, how my mind works. Trying to check again and again if he could have lied completely to me just to get into my pants. But his words were just too original.
Not like in the movies
We had a dramatic goodbye phone call, as in this is how I love them (not), followed by after texts that didn’t change anything at all, but it may have been cleaning out what was left:
Him_ „I would have ended this already, but as I had emotions coming up, for once I didn’t want to be the logical guy.“
Me_ „So you wanna prove something to yourself“
Him_ „I don’t have to. It is what it is.“
Why does every girl just wanna be that special one? The one a guy does everything differently for? And in the movies, this is the sad part, where you think everything is over.
Him_ „This is really sad, I don’t want to throw this away. I don’t wanna wake up tomorrow and pretend I never met you.“
Me_ „You can’t have it all“, I said, upset at this fucking irony.
Him_ „This is fucked up, when we hang up now, it’s over“ – and I hesitated, but just hung up.
In the movies he would one day stand in front of her door in the rain, saying she is too special, he is willing to give it a try and not follow his life plan anymore. And violin music and kissing and happily ever after. But this isn’t a movie. This is fucking reality, where perfect love stories just end before they even start and leave both sad.
I told my friend about what happened and he said: „You will find your Prince, don’t worry“. He was trying to comfort me, not knowing that ironically Brandon’s middle name was Prince.
